Alarms are going off
Sirens ringing
Words forthcoming
I may not know what I'm getting myself into
But there is no time, no chance for regret or self pity
It's time I threw caution in the wind
Face life head on
Embrace bad kharma
Laugh at my own misfortunes
No one can help me
Decisions were made - informed or not
Consequences for me to bear alone
As Dimitri advised not too long ago, I need to stay positive!
It's official.
With the end of daylight saving marks the beginning of cold wintry starts
Depressing, gloomy and wet mornings
Equally depressing and gloomy evenings.
Chilly winds
Heavy outer coats
Leather knee high boots
Its the season to be decked in classic black and charcoal grey
Beautiful afternoon spent sitting at the Belgian Beer Cafe
Drinking Hoegaarden and eating belgian chocolate waffles
From normal conversations to harmless jibs to borderline insults.
Feigning ignorance can be bliss.
It's no longer a kid's game. This is the real thing baby.
Lying in bed since half past 7
2 slices of toast in the tummy
1 glass of water
Drifting in and out of sleep
Waiting for the call
Ringing followed by a familiar voice
Tinge with anger, sadness, heartache and disappointment
I could only listen and agree
To be logical and supportive
It is not entirely my fight, but I will be a soldier for you
To stand with you and support you
Lying in bed, fingers walking the number pad
Listening, speaking, heartache and tears
We hang up as time runs out
Another ring, followed by your familiar voice,
More listening, speaking, heartache and tears
Words fail me at this point in time
Sorry is not good enough.. reality sets in and yes, it hurts.
Only time can tell.. if what we had was real.
Only time can tell.. if we have the strength, love and faith needed.
Words fail me at this point in time.
Slightly sleep deprived,
I kept myself awake by doing work (yes, I DO work!)
My supervisor approaches me and asked for a meeting to discuss my rating and furture work plans
(In other words, my review has gone to the top and it's come back)
I got an 'A'. 'A' for average. Not 'A-', not 'A+', a big fat 'A'.
I've been given the chance to learn more about databases and pulling reports which is probably what I need to keep me interested at work.
I've also submitted a few other short courses to keep up with my 'staff development plan'. It'll be interesting to watch them knock it back.
This is probably the best news I've heard for awhile now.
At 10,
I stood at the driveway twirling around in my Sunday dress
It was a blue with yellow ribbons
Me in my sandles, turning round and round
Waiting for dad to drive me to computer class
At 10,
I stood at the stairwell, tears welling in my eyes, tears running down my cheeks
Asking dad not to go, not knowing the implications of such a demand, only knowing that it needed to be said
I remember his expression.
Shock, sadness and guilt.
At 24,
I sat infront of the monitor, my heart thumping
Shock, sadness and disbelief
The very same night, I called my friend, choked with sadness, relating my story.
At 24,
I slept it away, hoping it was all a nightmare.
If I don't confront it, it doesn't exist
At 25,
I sat infront of the monitor, reading in disbelief
This time, it wasn't shock, sadness nor disbelief
It was simply reality at its harshest, heartbreak and loss.
At 25,
I'm waiting for that one call.. for that one email.
Simply waiting.
All I can say is that I am disappointed with myself and the outcome of the events that I've started.
Nothing like opening a can of worms eh?
Judging from news recently received, it's re-affirmed my belief that the purposes of a marriage is no longer upheld in today's society.
There is no sanctity in today's marriages as the rate of divorces and separations shoot through the roof (whether it's due to to family violence or adultery.)
Why put such a strain on people who still love and care for you? Afterall, it's an emotional rollercoaster ride for anyone and everyone involved.
The cynic in me screams: "Why bother? Afterall, we are given eyes to look, hands to touch and hearts to stray". On the other hand, I'd also like to believe that there are some out there who don't abuse such priviledges. It is unfortunate that such are few and far between.
I was never one to believe that love would last forever, one can hardly depend on love alone to keep a relationship going. It's a fantasy to believe that one can love a person forever. The truth is, circumstances change, people change and love changes. Where does eternal love stand amongst all of that?
I am no longer certain with what I want or what I am looking for anymore. Events have become a blur.. decisions on what to do awaiting on other decisions yet to be made, indirectly causing plans to be shelved. To add to that, it feels like a cycle has inevitably returned. This time, it's bad kharma yielding its ugly head, out on a revenge.
A couple of late nights scattered over the week
A growing desire for change is born as the season changes
Chilly mornings, glorious afternoons; sun rays barely warming the skin
Eyes squinting as I look towards the window; a soft sigh escapes from the lips
Robotic movements throughout the day;
stack, slip, tear, press
The mind temporarily shelved.
The mind protests, but with defeated shoulders, I can only give a weak shrug.
Later, maybe.
I haven't had red wine for such a long time...
2 glasses over the span of the night with good company was exactly what I needed.
Simple pleasures, highly beneficial for the soul.
Did you know that..
* 20 and 25 may be a mere 5 years but it makes a helluva difference..
* A person could (and should) probably only drink 4 glasses of cranberry juice in a night before feeling woozy
* Chicken souvlaki (hold the tomatoes, please!) is just about what I need this instant
Not too long ago, I was told that this is the year where I will make headways in terms of expanding my social circles. I am and will make the extra effort to make and meet new friends.
I suppose, that is vaguely happening. I have come to know more people then I ever did in the past 3 years (at least!). I feel more at ease then I used to talking to random strangers. Maybe it's the age where I am now.. who cares who I'm talking to as long as I'm careful..
But at time, I wonder if I will ever get to know the real person, behind the laughter, the smile and the occasional 'deep and meaningful' conversation. Would any of them come to know the real me?
It's absolute crap when its a long weekend for almost everyone but yourself!
On friday night, P questioned my preference on donating to animal charity groups rather then charities that assisted children (or humans in general). He gathered that I felt animals were more important than kids/humans.
Being more sober and having had more time to think it through, I actually don't know where my preference stemmed from but I suppose my argument to him was rather weak. Basically, I believe that there will always be another human helping the humans, so there has to be someone helping the animals. As much as this seems cliche, I tend to side the underdogs.
I know I might get some ticking off by writing this but here goes:
If adults are not able to look after their own kids, why bring them to the world for some other adult to look after?
I know the same can be said for animals, especially when you think about the situation of wild canines and felines in Thailand alone. (But that could be controlled? That's a totally different story now.) Basically, animals have no voice of their own to defend themselves. Because they have limited ways of fighting back, they are often abused and left to suffer and eventually die. They have no access to treatment on their own, they cannot grow their own food supply, they cannot have access to medical care when they have been run over by some baffoon, have their whiskers or tail set on fire or have their necks tied to a string until it's rubbed into their flesh.
As much as it sounds stupid or some baseless argument, I stand by my point. I do and will always prefer to support an animal charity vs one for humans.
So dig deep! :)
I received a call from mum last nite.
Boldie - my dog of 14 years and 6 months passed away in the morning.
I guess it was just a matter of time. When I returned to Singapore in January, we had plans to put her down. She's on life time medication - steriods, she lost her sight, couldnt eat or drink on her own and had problems with her bladder. Needing constant care, we put her at my uncle's place and she seemed happier with much more human contact. Eventhough she looked like she was in her own world most of the time, we couldn't do it. It wasn't her time, it wasn't fair to take life away from her when she wasn't ready to go.
I don't know if she suffered just before she went and somehow I don't wish to know. I'd like to know that she had a satisfying life with us and with my uncle's family and that she left on her own terms
There's nothing anyone can do to prepare themselves for the lost of a loved one, not matter how obvious the signs are.
Boldie, I'll always remember the joy and laughter you brought me, the endless hours of playing hide and seek in the house, how we used to share my food, the hugs you returned, always knowing when I needed a lick from you, your uncanny ability to make tears disappear from my eyes with your tail. How you laughed and cheated death on numerous occasions, returning to my arms with a sneeze, a grin and a wagging tail.
I hope you're happier and healthier wherever you are and know that you were very much loved and you'll always be missed.
It's the first day of autumn, beautiful sunny and cool weather - all 22 degrees of it.
Unfortunately the next few days would be summer arriving late - all 36 degrees of it.
I decided I've had enough of not getting any mental stimulation. I'm just bored. I think its time to go back to the classroom. Although I'm not sure what I want to study. No more degrees .. I want to learn something practical yet fun -- language? Mosiacs? Writing? Suggestions anyone?
Friday nights are made more fun and I'm glad E has got me going to her Robot nights! :P
