It's 27 minutes to the 1st day of winter.
And I've just realised that it's also 27 minutes to having made it to a year in Melbourne.
25 minutes to new promises.
Promises for 30 days - or thereof to a better and healthier way of eating and drinking.
I have given myself this week to finish my 6th bottle of red in 5 weeks,
Tomorrow night to whip up my last batch of oatmeal cookies.
It's going to be hard but it'll be harder trying to look for new clothes that fit :P
Nothing can prepare you for the sick feeling you get in the stomach
When you discover a grave, grave mistake
In a document you've spent time and money on.
It's been submitted.
Too late.
Sigh
Forgotten winter favourites,
Forgotten taste and textures.
Today's lunch was Pumpkin, Chicken + Goats Cheese Risotto
Sprinkled with a generous serving of roquette leaves
A little saltier then I would've normally liked it
Yes, my taste buds tend to be pretty bland
Warming my tummy;
Preparing my walk back,
Braving the strong, chilly wind
Driving home,
I notice a shop, brightly lit by fairy lights on Christmas trees
Just how does a shop like that survive the other 10 months of a year?
Sometimes I wish I learnt how to play the drums
I'm not muscially inclined
But there are days where you wish you could play along to the sounds of Placebo
Hit something; release frustration
I wish I learnt how to play the drums
But I didn't.. and I have no sense of rythm and beat
I listen and nod my head, tap my feet whilst driving
Sing along with angst and frustration
I come home and open a bottle of red wine
With hope that things might be better
It's friday evening and I've just had the most frustrating day at work all month.
With no alarm with the snooze function last night - left the mobile at work and never felt so lost
I decided last night to wake up early and treat myself to a good breakfast at the market
A 7am start,
Freshly squeezed pineapple juice
Pizza with mushrooms, spinach and boccocini
Newspaper on the table.
It's a good way to end the week... and welcome the weekend.
My cookies have been popular.. with only just 1/3 left, I'm thinking of whipping up an oatmeal raisin and dark choc chip batch if time allows it this weekend.
You can tell I'm bored when I start baking.
Either that, or I'm trying to soothe the jitters for the impending busy period in a few weeks.
The weekend drew in earlier then expected for me.
No, I haven't got the day off, although it sounds like a good idea at this point in time.
I made the oatmeal cookies, which were initally planned to fill in the saturday afternoon.
With extra raisins and sesame seeds, just 'cos it's homemade
Sweeter then it should be, but it'll do the trick when the craving starts
and I believe this is my best batch yet!
I've had six tonight.
5 more then I really ought to have
but who's counting :P
I've got great plans this week..
Plans to stay home,
Snuggle up with a glass of red wine in one hand and maybe a book in the other.
A weekend with my current favourite recipe,
To fill the tiny kitchen with smells of delicious oatmeal cookies.
Maybe an afternoon of aimless driving -
It's been a long time since I've seen the west-side of the city.
The cover letter, resume and required selection criterias have been sent out
Closing date - 28 May, 6pm
Fingers crossed and the waiting game begins
It's amazing how the brain copes with information.
Moving from an extended period of requiring zero brain activity to a fun-filled afternoon of absorbing information and learning.
I'm almost quite sure I'm suffering from the term 'information overload'.
The situation at work has slightly improved.
In practice, I'm slowly moving onto another area of work.
We're still not sure if I'm going to get a new remuneration package or even a new title.
But I suppose, I might as well learn as much as I can.
Milk the company for all it's worth,
And if they screw me over, I can walk away without guilt.
On the other hand, if I get offered a better paying job, I hope I'll still be able to walk away with minimal guilt.
It's cruel and materialistic, but hey, these days, cash don't fall from of the sky anymore.
I need a place to call home and pay for grub for the 'ole tummy.
... 'everything happens for a reason'
Whether it happens for the better or for the worse,
so the saying goes: 'Everything happens for a reason'.
It's all in the delivery, all in the timing
Sometimes we fuck things up by rushing into it.
I know I'm guilty of that. I panic and rush into things like a chicken with its head cut off.
But the one lesson I've learnt, especially in the past few years is never to regret.
Even if I did, I just bite the bullet and put on a smile.
Life doesn't stop to take pity on you.
No one will feel sorry for you, for your stupidity or your mistakes.
You messed up? Tough titties, life still goes on, you'll just have to move along with it.
And so, just as the saying goes, things have happened.
Perhaps in recent times, it may not be in the best interest for everyone involved.
But it's happend and even if we don't see the results we want, or even if it doesn't reap the rewards we want,
it's happend and the reason will surface sooner or later.
Being humans, we always want things to happen sooner rather then later.
It's all in the timing, my dear.
One chapter closes and soon, another will open.
Woke up at 730am
On a saturday morning
It's been awhile since I woke up this early on a weekend
If I had an interview today, I would've aced it.
For some strange reason I got out of bed brimming with confidence
If I had to sell lemonade for $100 a glass, I'm sure I would've done pretty well.
I know it'll wear off but dammit, this feels good
If only everyday was like this.
I suspect it's alot of do with being away from the hell-hole labour-camp work place.
I've been given the chance to switch roles at work.
Management has approved it in principle. Whatever that means.
Probably, extra work, with same pay.
Cheapos.
I've been asked to think about it over the weekend.
I'll need to discuss this with my team leader.
He knows we're all actively looking for other jobs, hell, even he's doing it.
But until something great comes along, I'd like to move up in the company too.
I'll be happy to be his assistant, handling the database - it means I'm actually applying knowledge from my post-graduate - *gasp* *shock* *horror*
Of course, he'll also need to know, I'd do it only for a raise.
It ain't worth the pain and the shit with my current pay package.
That said, I'd like that particular 50k job, thanks!
I now remember why I avoided playing games of any kind
It's an addiction.
Once upon a time, it was The Sims.
Last night, Soldier of Fortune II on the xbox
Tonight, Deus Ex on the PC.
I suspect I'll be having quiet nights at home
You understand, it being winter and all.
I should be starting on the projects I've given myself.
Or at least brush up my 1st shooter skills.
My pride and joy!
I took a picture of my bruise as well but decided against putting it up on the web. :P
For the record
I've been doing kickboxing for the past 3 mths now
I attend 2 - 3 training sessions a week
And today, we participated in a kickboxing interclub competition
The aim wasn't to knock someone out
Rather, it was to gain ring experience against someone else
Considering we don't have a ring to practice in
We were pretty much the underdogs
Boxers were paired according to skill level, gender and body built
Since I'm really new and not having the skill as most of them did
I didn't have a choice in terms of who I was paired with
We had the same skill level; about 3 mths worth of training (Tho, I think she's had heaps less)
Her built? A spectator referred to her as 'Goliath'
She was a mere 16 (So I found out after and she was shocked when I told her mine)
At a 175 cm and at least a good 65kgs, and myself at 150cm and at 50kgs
So it deemed a suitable reference!
At the end of it, my head felt like it was about to roll off (and I was told at some point, it looked like it was about to)
But I stuck it in, got over the big trip she gave me (I was air borne and landed on my bottom) and I won!
Who says little girls can't win?
Twice the past 2 weeks
I've napped in the late afternoons
Never for more then an hour tho'
Always in the same position
Never making it a comfortable affair
Lying on the bed at the edge
Feet hanging in the air, arms at the side
Close to the heater, warming my cold cold feet
Always waking up at half time, face down, mouth open
In a pool of drool
I never said it was a pretty sight
But dammit, that's THE best way to nap
The wiseman writes:
"Domestic responsibilities will be far more attractive this month.."
This is probably a good month to do just that..
Cookies baked almost every weekend
Washing done more often then I can remember
Fridge bursting at the seams with fresh fruit and vegetables
Table with books I should be chewing through
I need some adjustments in my life..
My mind and soul is hungry
The search continues
...
Click.
The view changes
Standing, watching as a 3rd person
I nod.
It's all just a game
Trying to undermine; trying to gain the upper hand
A bait, a hook.. reel it in before it bites
It hasn't started for long
But it gets tiring to watch
Especially when you know the final score.
There are days I sit and wonder
Wonder about who I am, what I am.
There are days where I am more confident about myself
Able to speak up, putting my ideas into words
Standing up for myself, my ideals, my beliefs
And there are days where I feel I might be taking on more then I can chew
Am I sure I want this? Am I sure I can do this?
Am I sure I can walk away unscathed?
Then there are days like today.
It's 8:30am, sitting in my car, the arms and legs co-ordinating in auto-pilot
Step on the clutch, put it into gear, hit accelerate, jam the brakes
My mind wanders, my eyes roam about
Pedesterians, drivers, passengers
I replay the one question that was put to me last night
"How are you settling in?"
(Bear in mind that I've been settling in for the past 11 months)
I am happy with how things are, happy to have made new friends
Happy to have the friends that I have even closer
I definitely would like a better paying job, with more challenge
I also feel alone. But, I'm not lonely.
Then I realised, it didn't matter which country I was - I've always felt alone.
And this scares me.
Just where the fuck do you find a recent graduate with advanced MS Project skills ?
Everything is just a keyword to these bloody recruitment consultants.
Boy, I'm pissed.
It's been awhile and I'm not sure what to make of things
Sure I said I needed time to think things through
But in the interim, it's all mixed messages, confusion, hurt and anger
Stifling at times, I handle it best with silence and ignorance
Perhaps its best we left things as they are now
Revisit them at a much later time
I'm not sure what to make of things
Time flying by
Priorities change
People change
Times change
A glass of wine tonight
Drunk too quickly on a near empty stomach
It's that familiar buzz in my fingers, my head
A floating sensation, slightly unco-ordinated
The more I think about my current employment / job situation
The more depressing it becomes
Knowing that in 12 month's time
If (and this is a big IF) my contract gets renewed
My take home pay will decrease to compensate for the increase in my superannuation contribution
And I really don't want that to happen
I'm barely living month to month with what I now have.
Gah! Need more money!
