There are days I sit and wonder
Wonder about who I am, what I am.
There are days where I am more confident about myself
Able to speak up, putting my ideas into words
Standing up for myself, my ideals, my beliefs
And there are days where I feel I might be taking on more then I can chew
Am I sure I want this? Am I sure I can do this?
Am I sure I can walk away unscathed?
Then there are days like today.
It's 8:30am, sitting in my car, the arms and legs co-ordinating in auto-pilot
Step on the clutch, put it into gear, hit accelerate, jam the brakes
My mind wanders, my eyes roam about
Pedesterians, drivers, passengers
I replay the one question that was put to me last night
"How are you settling in?"
(Bear in mind that I've been settling in for the past 11 months)
I am happy with how things are, happy to have made new friends
Happy to have the friends that I have even closer
I definitely would like a better paying job, with more challenge
I also feel alone. But, I'm not lonely.
Then I realised, it didn't matter which country I was - I've always felt alone.
And this scares me.
it's the price of independence - solitary comfort can sometimes get lonely. but hey, when we both feel a little alone in our bubbles, we can share a cranberry juice! :-)