September 2004 Archives

No flips, only flops..

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Sunday night was Indian night, or so we hoped.

Attempting homemade roti pratas. Let me say at this stage that:
1) I have a new found respect for the prata man
2) Prata uses alot.. and I mean A L O T of butter.
I used ghee but my gawd, it was a scary amount.
3) Spelt flour isn't a good substitute in this instance.

In the end, we didn't have roti prata. We had little roti biscuits.. hehehe..
Still, I had compliments for my mixed vegetable curry and green peas & spinach.

*cough*
No more attempts at home made pratas for me, thanks.

The purpose of ...

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To the idiot dickhead moron who bumped and scratched the side of my car,

It is obvious you are incapable of parking your little red, pathetic vehicle in a car lot, please stay home.
Do not drive anywhere that would require you to manoeuvre your sorry little arse and your so-called vehicle into a proper lot.
It is obvious you have yet to master the skills of parking and it makes me question your driving abilities.

If you do need to leave the house for some reason, please make use of the following: 1)your legs. Walk, dammit. 2)Take the tram, train or bus.. 3)Sell the little red vehicle and spend the money on taxis.

Prata

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After last night's indulgence of fresh prata and curries..
I'll be attempting my own prata this weekend.
None of that swish flipping and flapping, mind you!
More to come..

Food

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It's 5:15am.
I've just finished an egg on toast and it tasted nice fuckin' good!

This is what you get for skipping dinner the night before.

Trial

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I've thought it through before I fell asleep..
I'm going to try avoid meat entirely this week and determine how I feel at the end of it. Take it on a week to week basis.
I know there's always the option of consuming organic/free range meat but that's only if I bought it myself but that's not an option I'll be exploring for now.

I'm going to take it one step at a time.
So, it'll be meat, then seafood and possibly eggs/dairy down the road.

It'll be a bitch to eat with me now, not that I was any better previously (e can attest to that) but I'm sure my friends will understand! :D

vegetarian or meat-eater?

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Yesterday afternoon, in my attempt to pass some time between appointments, I walked down a row of shops around the neighbourhood.
I never noticed the animal liberation op shop up till now and out of curiosity, I stopped at the door and scanned the articles.

I usually avoid reading articles on the treatment of animals, because I know very well how I would react to them. As expected, I walked away feeling physcially sick to the stomach and filled with sadness and anger.

I am contemplating going vegetarian - it won't be too hard since I haven't consumed any red meat for 2 years now, giving up chicken and turkey should be *cough*easy*cough*.

Sure, I don't eat consume dog meat to begin with and so going vegetarian isn't going to help the animal lib's cause but when you think about how animals are treated these days.... the minute they are born, they are treated as products, to be consumed at a later date.
No compassion, no proper hygiene, no love.

And you wonder where all these diseases we've faced the past few years came from? It's not from the animals, it's from the condition and the hygiene - or lack of, they're being bred in.
Imagine if you live, breathe and sleep in the same place you poop and pee, won't you eventually fall sick too? *gee!*
Exporting meat, products from 3rd world countries or countries where people are struggling to put food on the table - If they haven't got enough to feed themselves, what exactly are they feeding the animals?

But if I go vegetarian, where do I draw the line?
Would I avoid eggs and dairy since 'life begins with the egg'?
Would I include seafoods? - Squealing, tearing crabs and lobsters as they're thrown in the boiling water; clubbing of fishes.
Would I go as far as to avoid leather products? - This'll be a very hard one!

Definitely something to think about on a sunday morning! :P

House Hunting is

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* stressful
* frustrating
* tiring
* confusing
* lonely

Also, nothing like...

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getting good news 1st thing in the morning...

more about this sometime mid-October!

Nothing like ...

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Nothing like feeling sore and exhausted from 2 nights of kickboxing
Nothing like having a decent chat with an old flame
Nothing like having a good bitch about life and work with a close friend
Nothing like opening a nice bottle of red - just cos' I wanted to
Definitely nothing like crawling into bed and with that familiar warm fuzzy feeling..

Wet, rainy..
Staring at the 5 car pile up outside my window.
Pity the bugger at the end. Funnily, it's the oldest car of the pile up and you know the driver will be slapped with a massive bill.

It's the perfect weather for reflecting and perhaps a little soul searching...
I wonder if things would have worked out differently if I stuck to my guns,
if I took on more responsibility to my actions and decisions.

I've always lived on my guy instincts, a trigger for the fight to survive.
An instinct honed from the years away from the comfort of home.
Sometimes they work for me yet there are times they work against me..
And I wonder if perhaps they have worked against me this time 'round.

I yearn to be independent, to be free from life's woes and bitterness.
It's a frustrating process and my indifference kicks in; I scamble for shelter behind my cold, distant and uncaring facade.

I don't seem to know how to love again, nor am I able to comprehend the process of sharing my thoughts and feelings. Like a broken jig-saw, with missing pieces, lost maybe never to be retrieved.

furrowed brows

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Feelings and moods like today's weather -
Sunny at times, cloudy and chilly throughout.
Don't ask me what's wrong, I can't answer that.
The more I search, the cloudier and colder it gets.
The cracks appear on the surface, made worst from frustration.
Blame it on me, that I can't remain angry at you.
You don't understand. I don't operate that way.

Akatombo

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A beautiful dinner, complimented with the sweetness of cold sake
Light-hearted conversation, soothing music

A bet has been placed for mid-December.
Me: To reach 48.5kgs
Him: To reach 87kgs
Wager: Dinner at Akatombo + $50 cash.

Fare thee well my beautiful cakes and chocolates!

The little note

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It was like a scene in a movie.


A white piece of note
Sitting in a bag from a close friend, never opened until today.
Words that lifted the spirit and warmed the heart on a dreary, wet evening.

Thank you ! :)

Please explain..

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There is a nagging, unsettling feeling inside of me..
My mind is constantly buzzing with recipes
Like beats from a drummer's hands and lyrics that escapes a singer's lips
Endless combinations of what can be whipped up, the need to walk the isles of supermarkets, combing the shelves of constituted and genetically modified food.
Mentally cringing and crossing them off.

Avoid the biscuit and other snack isle.. walk down the little healthy food isle..
No, I'm not hungry, thank you very much.
I'm just restless.. and recently, cooking has been my outlet.

A double edged sword

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Not knowing if its sheer frustration, tiredness or anger.

Re-reading old emails, amazing how words can be used as a double-edged sword.
When used gently and calmly, it heals wounds. Used with spite, it slashes and deepen wounds.

I'm not sure if I've learnt from my own history. I don't know if I know who I am.. and not certain if I like myself very much.

Cold, distant, indifferent..

Bitch.

One baby step

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I'm one step closer to being responsible
I'm one step closer to being an adult
I'm one step closer to signing my life away
I'm one step closer to owning a mortgage
I'm one step closer to getting much needed help from the parental unit
I'm one step closer ...

Life's bitter sweet pill.

The disappearing act.

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It was a night of fun, laughter, drinks and songs
Funny how alcohol always helps with the human inhibition
Conversation flowed freely as did the tainted water
I never really forgot the conversation, I was fascinated and almost captivated

Now curiosity's got the best of me..

It was a strange, abrupt farewell, mind you, not once but twice.
You left without a word, only with a slight wave and disappeared into the night in the first instance and amongst the many faces in the second.

Frustration.

I doubt there will be a third.. with your plans of being away for a long time.
One to be put away, never having the opportunity to satisfy my 'what ifs' and 'if onlies'

she said...

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I over analyze things and I need a balance between my mind and my heart
I need to be patient; good things come to those who wait
I need to put my intent out there and not waiver in my decisions
I will get what I want, but not right now. Timing is everything..
I need to let go of the things I cannot control and channel my energy on things that I can and make them work..
It'll all happen in 2005.

Until then, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

All systems running..

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.. I'm back !

And my saturday night's gone to waste surfing for random useless stuff.
This wouldn't happen if I didn't have the modem back to begin with.

I really should consider getting rid of the connection from home.
I might have a life then...