As a result of spending a day up in the snow
I'm feeling like a little rag doll - very fragile, very sore.
I've not seen my belly all day, basically ignored all forms of life on my right
and sat on my bum all day.
I admit I'm a sorry sight at the moment but I like to believe that it was worth every bump on the head.
Next year, I'll be better!
Aquarius for 23 August 2005
It is easy for you to retreat into the world inside your head where no one bothers you and no one can get close to you. You want people near but when they overstep your personal boundaries you fob them off sometimes in quite hurtful ways. You'll have to be careful with this or you may, yourself, overstep the mark. Outside activities take on importance in the maintenance of your well-being.
Another week has gone by.
Time seems to elude me the older I get.
I have been feeling unsettled again - I need a new fitness regime.
Muay Thai seems to have lost its touch for me - I am still battling the reason behind my lost of interest and in doing so, have come to realise that I do get bored of things very quickly and easily.
How long did the gym membership last?
How long did yoga last?
How long will muay thai last?
And how long before I grow tired of attempting Bikram Yoga?
In my head, the reason to move away from a regime that demanded discipline and commitment seems a very whimsical one.
I have always been one that thrived on the pack mentality - the sense of comradery. When that is lost, it sends a trigger for me to look elsewhere.
So here I am, battling in my head - weighing the pros and cons to stay or to go.
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I always pride myself as a person who is fairly open minded.
I tend to be distant, cold and in recent years, honed the art of concealing my feelings.
I tend to form conclusions in my head before the other party has completely made their intentions clear; resulting in disastrous outcomes;
To have me reveal my real thoughts and feelings is not hard. I do thread carefully but in recent times, I've been left feeling exposed and vulnerable.
It's not a position I enjoy but such is life and eventually I will overcome that wrinkle in life; pick myself up, tilt the chin up, stick the chest out and trot on.
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I'm sorry I missed your birthday. It wasn't intentional and I hope this wish is not too late.
Happy Birthday, with sunshine, laughter, warmth and love.
I haven't had the urge to write for awhile now.
Not that I didn't try - I have on numerous occasions, logged on, stared at the screen, fingers on the keyboard but the mind was blank.
I remember Cos once said to me,
"You write mostly when you're not happy"
And I suppose he's right.
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The week-old job is great.
Lots of learning to do.
Mostly I get left alone but I am happy - happy knowing that this is what I've always liked and happy knowing that I'm actually doing real work - and getting paid for it.
I get a brand new laptop to play with. Yes, it's the inner geek in me that glees with joy everytime it boots up... *sigh*
Spread out the work between 2 monitors - what more can I ask for?
And I'm keeping my fingers crossed for travels in the near future!
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I've also been seeing this wonderful guy.
It's all rather pre-mature at this stage, but I'm thoroughly enjoying myself and the time when we are together.
There's no pressure to impress, no pressure to be someone I'm not.
No mind games, no tug and pull. All cards on the table.
Take it if you like what you see, walk away if you don't.
Suppose I'm at a point where I now know what I want from myself and others and I am almost confident about where life is heading.
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Is this what feeling content is all about?
Even if it isn't, it's alright.
For once in a very long while, the heart hasn't skipped a beat when faced with the possibility of being snowed under with bills.
It's all good.
